Passion and Life
Being young pulls you in so many different directions. What should I be doing, what is my ‘purpose’, how do I get there? Searching out for this passion that we’re supposed to have for something.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, trying to live my ‘best life’ and squeezing all these things I need to do into what seems like a tiny amount of time. But it never feels like I get the things I want to do done, what is ‘squeezed in’ seems unimportant and distracts me from my real emotions.
My job is basic and unrelated to what I want. I finished my MA last year, and it’s really getting to the point that I feel depressed and like a failure because I’m not more aggressively following my passions.
But I think that’s just young adulthood, we feel there are many things we need to do to get those jobs we want, but not realising until it feels too late; even though it’s not too late and we’ve done so much already. I think there’s a transition time in your early-mid 20’s where suddenly you’re getting older when up until now you were too young. Doesn’t help when you have media yelling at you from every angle trying to tell you you’re lazy, that everything is hopeless, and here buy these products that will make you feel better about it without considering what the heck is going on.
I just end up feeling uninspired about everything, I ‘should’ do these things when I just want to do nothing. Things will change in the future, but will they? What will give me joy? I once judged someone who was chronically dissatisfied with their job, and their life, and this just bled into their zest and drive towards what they wanted. They just waited for things to happen that would make them happy. I empathise with that now. I think I have reached that point where I over-trust the future to bring me happiness, I put the onus on the future to do something, but the future just keeps coming and coming.
In reality, I can only really do small things. Make myself read those books, read anthropology articles, try writing more, and doing the things I want to do with friends. It’s 87 days until I leave for Japan, I can’t suddenly overhaul my life and become ‘goals’. I can build for the future now, so when I am in the position for an overhaul, I’ve already done most of the work. And that’s OK, finding a place of contentment doesn’t happen overnight, and I am doing small things now, and big things are coming. Just have to plan, act, and hold your nerve through the shit bits.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot recently, trying to live my ‘best life’ and squeezing all these things I need to do into what seems like a tiny amount of time. But it never feels like I get the things I want to do done, what is ‘squeezed in’ seems unimportant and distracts me from my real emotions.
My job is basic and unrelated to what I want. I finished my MA last year, and it’s really getting to the point that I feel depressed and like a failure because I’m not more aggressively following my passions.
‘I should be writing more, doing more volunteer work. I should be more outspoken, and I should go to more protests and community meetings. What have you done? Deleted the facebook app? Wow /s.’Let’s just ignore the fact that I have a job lined up living somewhere I want to live, in Japan, doing something that I want to do; teach.
But I think that’s just young adulthood, we feel there are many things we need to do to get those jobs we want, but not realising until it feels too late; even though it’s not too late and we’ve done so much already. I think there’s a transition time in your early-mid 20’s where suddenly you’re getting older when up until now you were too young. Doesn’t help when you have media yelling at you from every angle trying to tell you you’re lazy, that everything is hopeless, and here buy these products that will make you feel better about it without considering what the heck is going on.
I just end up feeling uninspired about everything, I ‘should’ do these things when I just want to do nothing. Things will change in the future, but will they? What will give me joy? I once judged someone who was chronically dissatisfied with their job, and their life, and this just bled into their zest and drive towards what they wanted. They just waited for things to happen that would make them happy. I empathise with that now. I think I have reached that point where I over-trust the future to bring me happiness, I put the onus on the future to do something, but the future just keeps coming and coming.
In reality, I can only really do small things. Make myself read those books, read anthropology articles, try writing more, and doing the things I want to do with friends. It’s 87 days until I leave for Japan, I can’t suddenly overhaul my life and become ‘goals’. I can build for the future now, so when I am in the position for an overhaul, I’ve already done most of the work. And that’s OK, finding a place of contentment doesn’t happen overnight, and I am doing small things now, and big things are coming. Just have to plan, act, and hold your nerve through the shit bits.
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