thoughts

I published this post on 28 October 2019 at 12:30am and then archived it shortly after because I hated it. I no longer hate this post, but it's probably not my best writing. I have edited it a bit though because why not. This post (as the title suggests) was supposed to be the beginning in a series reflecting on my time in Japan. Then COVID happened and I kind of... forgot. But I want to do more writing so why not bring some of these bodies out from the graveyard.  Imagine being born. Kicking, screaming. Totally unexpected. You wanted this, but then it happens and then it’s just terrifying. You want to be back in the warm comforts of home. Welcome, to moving to a different country by yourself. It’s been 2 months now since I moved back from Japan. I am healing from my experience. I am coming to reflect and appreciate the time I spent in Japan. No-one ever tells you how difficult moving countries is. But it was hard. So. Fucking. Hard. Here is what it was like in the beginning, over...

I went back to Japan recently. The first time in four years, after two bouts of COVID, a long-term relationship and break-up, buying and then (soon) selling a house. Which is a lot to say in one sentence. Weird to think, four years later. My life has has so much happen, but at the same time it feels like nothing at all. When I moved to Japan I was 24, no idea what I was doing with my life. Everything was open. So many possibilities. I was a different person, but that person is still me. Going back to Japan was at once an overload of sensory experience, and a comforting homecoming. Looking at all the hydrangea that I immortalised on my body, drinking by the river in Kyoto, taking the stupid Ginza Uniqlo mirror pic. Whenever someone asks me about how Japan was I say 'Oh my god it was amazing , I really struggled boarding the plane back home'. Which is true, but there is so much more to it. Doors were opened, doors were closed. I have no desire to go back to Maibara again. I looke...

Over the last couple of years I have noticed how we're so much more aware of our bodies. And this isn't just the 'obesity crisis', but is related to and outside of the public health issue of obesity in developed nations. We've arguably always been extremely aware of our bodies, especially for specific identity groups, such as women (though, arguably all people to an extent). But this awareness to me, has changed and come out in two forms; awareness of our bodies in a frame of acceptance on one hand, and on the other awareness of our bodies in a frame of striving for perfection on the other. As an example of each, there is the anti fat-shaming and body-positive movement, and then there is the clean eating and 'health goals' movement, both which are mostly enacted on social media. On the surface, neither of these two examples brings feelings of negativity in their names; 'We're loving ourselves for the shape we are!' Or, 'we're trying to ...

Recently you may have seen some social media posts from me about a trio of foster kittens. You may have also noticed that soon after getting said foster kittens I went radio silent on what happened to them (unless you asked me). And if you asked me about them, you probably got a version of this story: Fostering kittens for me was a disaster. And let me tell a cautionary tale if you're ever thinking about fostering kittens.   I had been thinking about fostering for some time when I decided to take the plunge. I wanted to foster because my cat was born in the wild and rescued at a month old. She came to us still quite skittish after being at the rescue so we had to spend a lot of time with her to get her happy and comfy with us and humans in general. So therefore I wanted other kittens like her to have a chance to live the comfy life, and I thought I had the patience from going through a similar process with Smudge already. All the kitten fostering videos I had seen seemed to show th...

As you may or may not know (though probably don't know because I kept it relatively to myself), I got COVID during March. I am (mostly) recovered after testing positive just over 2 weeks ago, and let me tell you, it was not an enjoyable experience. I want to talk today about COVID in our lives, getting COVID, and its impacts on New Zealand right now. Let's go back to the beginning of the pandemic, COVID was pretty scary as a concept, and especially last year I struggled a lot with the fear of what COVID would do to me. Especially as for the majority of 2020-2021 in New Zealand, COVID was a foreign concept that we did not have to deal with in our lives. We had no cases in the community, no fear of transmission, it was this big scary virus that existed in other countries where it maimed and murdered almost what seemed indiscriminately. There was a lot of caution on the part of our government to ensure that we could keep this COVID free life, which was, looking back on, something ...

What do I do with this blog now that I live in New Zealand and I can't go anywhere interesting (thanks COVID) and then be sarcastic and witty about how uncomfortable I am constantly à la my Japan posts? It just seems depressing if I bitch about my 'real life' in New Zealand because I am used to everything at home. That would not be about the strange differences between what I am used to and the foreign culture I find myself in, but the frustrating things I find about my home culture. Which I feel would be unproductive. But yet I miss this weird little blog of mine, so I need to find a new angle. Therefore, today, I will try my hand writing about the places I've been to in my mind thanks to the books I've read this past year and be sarcastic and witty about them. I'm not a book blogger nor have I ever done more than high-school literature, but I do like to read. I also feel it's a bit cheesy to write about books outside of a paragraph of recommendation, but l...

I have been thinking about my life recently. Well, I always think about my life, but indulging in that deeper 'what is my life' reflective thinking, in a similar way to how I used to think about my time and experiences in Japan. I've been back in Aotearoa for over a year now. I've now lived out of Auckland for over 2 years, and have been in Wellington for over 1. I have moved and changed in my life in such a profound way that pre-Japan, I would have never imagined. I’m in a good place, good job, good health, amazing friends, and what seems to be a burgeoning successful relationship. A few of my blog posts I talked about becoming Emily 2.0, 'a whole new bug'. How Japan shattered my conceptualisation of myself, shook things up, and made me reconsider my life to rebuild it. And damn, have I rebuilt it.  I left for Japan disillusioned with my life in Auckland. I had finished university and wasn't entirely sure what to do. I had ended my most serious relationshi...